The State of Affairs

Rethinking Infidelity

By Esther Perel

HarperCollins (2017)

A New York Times bestseller

Iconic couples’ therapist Esther Perel offers a groundbreaking and provocative look at infidelity, arguing for a more nuanced and less judgmental conversation about our transgressions. Why do we cheat? And why do happy people cheat? Why does infidelity hurt so much? And when we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Is an affair always the end of a marriage? Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. 

“Bracing to read . . . 

As a writer, Perel is nimble and playful, and she knows her way around a phrase. [She] doesn’t dispense advice as much as scratch at orthodoxies, and pose questions with wit and a Continental exasperation with American mores. Perel . .  doesn’t peddle in bromides or offer a shoulder to cry on—she’s too busy trying to shake you to your senses, insisting on your agency, your vitality and your complicity in what happens in your marriage. She’s a tonic, and sometimes a tough one to swallow.”

—The New York Times

“One of the best books of 2017 . . .

In The State of Affairs, Perel explores a vast landscape of the adulterous terrain… in a way that’s deeply humane and never preachy.”

—NPR’s Guide to 2017’s Greatest Reads